Transition Person After Divorce

How does a person transition after a divorce? Well, this is not easy to answer. While each person's experience is unique, we all tend to go through some common experiences. One of my clients described it this way.


"I was devastated at first even though we both made the decision to get a divorce. I had no appetite and couldn't sleep.
At the end of the night, even though I was exhausted my mind would start racing. I went from anger and rage to hurt and sadness.
I was really a mess. Now, 6 months later, it is hard to imagine I was in such a difficult place." -Marshall*




Progressing through divorce forces us to go through immense and often contradictory feelings. One minute we may experience anger, hurt, and remorse and the next minute we might feel joy, freedom and excitement.

"But if you tell me what steps I need to take, I can just do what you say and transition in a nice, neat, and orderly way, right?" You ask.

"Sorry, ain't gonna happen" I respond.(very empathically of course)


As much as you would like to transition through your divorce and "grief process" in a tidy and dependable fashion, It will not happen that way! Your experience will be messy, murky, and confusing.

You may start your day joyful and with hope, progress into sadness and despair and by lunch time feel irate and revengeful, get a call from a friend and feel happy and hopeful all over again.(see what I mean?)


OK, you've heard the bad news, now here is the good news!


As the days, weeks, and months pass by, you will start to feel better and life will get more in order.




Just like an hourglass, 1 piece of sand fills the hourglass. Slowly, day by day, 1 tiny piece of sand at a time, and voila!(about a year later)...



THE HOURGLASS IS FILLED UP!!!


That's when you know you made it through the mess and the stress! That is when you know you can look back at your broken marriage and accept your part in its dissolution, as well as your ex's. That is when you will be able to think about and remember some of the good times and not just the bad ones.

That is when you know you have moved on from the old and into the new.

If you feel like you are stuck in a negative emotional state and are not moving forward. Please find a therapist to help you. Afterall, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity


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