Teens and Divorce





Dealing with teens and divorce at the same time can be quite complicated. When two parents decide to divorce, teenagers are often hit the hardest by the news. Younger children will be upset of course, but they tend to have a more general view of their parent's troubles. Smaller children may know their parents are fighting a lot but don't know why. Younger siblings are also more flexible and tend to adjust more easily than their older siblings.

Teens are more aware of why their parents are fighting(i.e arguements about money, disciplining, etc...) and might feel the need to side with one parent and reject the other. Sometimes teenagers may feel the need to "take care of" a parent who becomes emotionally depressed and physically unable to take care of their responsibilities in the family.

This need for the adolescent to be a caretaker is in direct contrast with the developmental stage they are in which, in essence, is to venture "away" from the family in order to form their own independent identity(don't worry, they generally return to their family values as they age!). These teen also have to deal with raging hormones, pressure from peers, and the stress of doing well in school to get into a good college.

So, can you imagine how they feel when their life is turned upside down when their parents say: "hey, we're breaking up."?


Telling your teen you are getting divorced



So you sit down to tell your teenager that the two of you are separating. Yes, they will feel devastated at first. Yes, they will say I hate you! or You're ruining my life! or I don't want to live with you or some other dreadful statement you prayed they would not retort. They may run out of the house that night or they may not talk to you for a week. Your teenage son or daughter will probably be very angry and they need to express it. And you should allow them that right(as long as it is done in a healthy, legal, and respectful way) and remain strong and accepting of their feelings.

Remember, they need time to heal and absorb all the information too. Just like you did when you either made the decision to divorce(after months of contemplating it), or were told it was over or you two decided together. You probably gave yourself a bit of time to deal with it so give them a little time too. If after 6 months or so you feel your teen is depressed, grades are dropping, they are falling in with the wrong crowd, or there are other negative behaviors then definitely seek professional help. Click here to find a therapist in your area.


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