Setting Goals in Marriage
Setting goals in marriage is an important key to a good marriage and yet often overlooked. Establishing what you want out of your life and your marriage ideally should be done before you take your vows.
Unfortunately most of us do not make it to premarital counseling and if we do, we seem to avoid talking about our goals. We tend to focus on what color the flowers will be or whether to serve chicken or fish. But what about the important questions we should be asking of our future mate? Take one couple that I worked with whose marriage was falling apart:
She told me she didn't want kids but I didn't believe her. I figured she would change her mind in a few years. I guess I didn't realize how important kids were to me until my sister got pregnant. That's when our marriage really started to fall apart." Tim*
Tim knew children were a priority to him yet failed to express this to his wife before they married. As a result, it led to a real break down in their relationship. While they did seem to sit down before they were married to talk about some of their goals, they chose to ignore substantial discrepancies within the relationship. Setting goals is one
So what kind of goals should you set?There are many types of goals you can set with your spouse. Some issues may be more important to you(i.e. kids college) than your spouse. But the most important thing is not if you have goals but how the two of you deal with these goals as a couple especiallly if you have a difference of opinion. Are you setting marriage goals together, as a couple? Are you each clear about what goals are important to you? Do you acknowledge and respect the goals that are meaningful to your mate? These are all aspects you should consider when you are setting your marriage goals. key to a good marriage.
Another idea for setting goals in your marriage is for you both to sit down and write out your goals in terms of where you see yourself in:
6 months
If you see the two of you living in an apartment in Manahattan five years from now, and your mate sees the two of you with six kids living on a farm in Kentucky, well, then you have big trouble or you have major discussions ahead of you.
Setting goals in marriage not only allows a couple to develop an idea of what is important for each of you in life, but it also sets the stage to open up the lines of communication in your marriage or relationship.
If you are looking for marriage counseling in the metro Detroit area click here.
*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.
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