Parent Alienation Syndrome

Parent alienation syndrome is an unknown, yet fairly common occurence in highly conflicted divorces. It occurs when one parent, in order to seek revenge or out of their own unhealthy needs, influence their children into thinking that the other parent is dishonest, disloyal, or just no good. Vulnerable children might feel the need to choose between the two parents. When directly or subtly influenced by the unhealthy caretaker, the child may reject the other parent, thus resulting in parent alientation.

In the 1980's, a psychiatrist named Richard Gardner first coined the term after working with and recognizing a particular set of characteristics in children who had alienated one parent and favored the other. Although he coined the term "Parent Alienation Syndrome" more than 20 years ago, there has been little research done on the topic.

Most experts agree that it is often the mentally healthier of the two parents who is rejected. The alienating parent may be called the "aligned" parent and the rejected parent might be known as the "target" parent. The brainwashing to remain loyal and scorn the targeted parent often extends beyond the nuclear family into the extended family making it that much harder to maintain a relationship with both.

A child in this situation may be denied, rejected, or made to feel guilty for wanting a relationship with the rejected parent. They live in a psychological atmosphere where any attempt at reconcilliation would feel as if they were betraying the aligning parent.

Signs of PAS(parent alienation syndrome)

According to psychologist Dr. Katherine Andre, some of signs of rejecting behavior of a child brainwashed by parent alienation syndrome are:

* Showing intense anger and disrespect to you in public and in private

* Refusing to speak to you, talk to you on the phone

* Joining in on the "aligned" parent's lies, and possibly adding to them

* Seeing you in black and white as "all good" or "all bad"

* Showing no regret for bad behavior towards you or for rejecting you

What to do if you are the targeted parent

Awareness of the problem is the first step to dealing with it. Once you identify and can put a name to what is happening you will be in a much better place to deal with it. The next step is to get into counseling so you can identify how you are contributing to the problem. Next, finding a support group may help you feel supported and provide you with the hope you need to keep you going. Also, make sure anyone involved in your case(lawyer, judges, school counselor etc...) is aware of PAS and how it plays into your situation.

For more on this subject check out Dr. Katherine Andre's website which gives a lot of information on this subject.


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