Men and Divorce
Men and divorce. Very little is discussed about men dealing with divorce. Typical of our society, it seems as though everyone expects men to be strong and silent during difficult times. But the reality is that men facing divorce are just as devastated as women. Because men are socialized to not talk about their feelings, they tend to have less support systems and outlets to express their hurt, sadness and anger over the dissolution of their marriage. Whether they choose to divorce or not, men suffer and go through the same grief process as women. So if you are feeling depressed, overwhelmed, hurt, sad or angry, know that this is normal during this time period and you are not alone in your feelings.
Joe* came to see me soon after he filed for divorce from his wife of 5 years. He was depressed and angry after feeling betrayed by his wife who did many untrustworthy things during the course of their marriage. He was also frustrated by the divorce process and his lawyer who encouraged Joe to give in and keep things amicable. Joe claimed "I am tired of taking the high road". Upon further investigation of Joe's history, it was clear to me that Joe felt as shut down and voiceless as he had in his somewhat abusive childhood. We discussed the possibilty of him changing lawyers and finding someone that was more assertive and able to protect and speak out on behalf of Joe's wants and needs. Joe immediately felt better and more hopeful about his future as he realized he could make choices and changes to meet his needs.
*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.
If you are a man going through a divorce make sure you get the help and resources you need to get you through this emotional time. Don't try to do it alone. Get the information you need to make the best decisions and get through your divorce in one piece. Find a lawyer that fits your needs. While it is best for both parties to go through the divorce in the easiest way, it is not always possible and you must take the necessary steps to make sure your needs are taken care of as well. Help for men If you’re like most people facing divorce, you have more questions than information. Even if you and your spouse have agreed on all of the terms of your divorce, you’ll have to follow specific legal procedures to formally terminate your marriage. Every divorce case is different, and specific laws vary from state to state, but divorce cases generally follow one of two paths. The parties may reach an agreement, submit that agreement to the court for approval, and receive a divorce decree ending their marriage and setting forth the terms they’ve agreed upon. Or, if the parties can’t reach an agreement, the case will be scheduled for a contested hearing, where a judge will consider evidence like financial records, witness testimony, and expert reports on issues like valuation of property and custody arrangements. To learn more, schedule a consultation with a divorce lawyer before you make any decisions.
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