Kids and Divorce: Criticizing your Ex
Kids and Divorce: Divorce can be devastating for both parents and children alike. Couples divorce due to conflict
or unhappiness in the marriage. Often times, feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment toward the ex-spouse
linger on even after the divorce papers have been filed. Ex-spouses who are bitter, depressed or resentful
want to vent their feelings, and rightfully so. Many people have few support systems and may turn to their
children to voice angry and frustrated feelings. Turning to the kids as an outlet to express frustations can
be extremely problematic.
When parents criticize or put down the other parent, it puts the children in a terrible and stressful bind. someone they love is being attacked and the perpetrator is the other parent they love. Most children love both their parents, and feel uncomfortable and torn. They do not want to hear all the awful things that are being said about either of the parents they love and cherish. Criticizing your ex in front of your children can make your children feel sad, depressed, hurt, and angry. Here are some common remarks parents may say, not realizing the difficult position they are putting their kids in:
"Your father is always late to come pick you up. It seems like he doesn't care about you at all! Here are some things you can do to avoid putting down or criticizing your ex in front of your children: 1) First of all, try to become more aware of what you are expressing about your ex to your children. 2) Deal directly with the source of your anger and frustration, namely, your ex. 3) Find other people to express your hurt and anger, such as a family member, friend, therapist, clergy etc... 4) Make sure to open up dialogue with your kids. Ask them to tell you when you are criticizing the other parent and
not realizing it. Be warm and accepting of their thoughts and feelings and let them know you are sorry and will
try not to do it again.
|
