The Effect of Divorce

The effect of divorce on families can painful and lifeshattering, and at the same time be relieving and hopeful. While each person's divorce experience is unique, there seems to be some universal truths about the effects of divorce on families.

To some, the word "Divorce" brings up feelings of shame and embarassment, to others, it is a known way of life. But to all who experience it, in either a direct or indirect way, know its effects are life altering.

-Are you feeling guilty and giving in to all your wife's demands?

-Are you feeling like a failure, lying around and depressed all the time?

-Perhaps you are angry and spiteful and are finding ways to take revenge on your spouse?

-Is the effect of divorce making you feel anxious and depressed? Do you feel your life has turned chaotic with all the new decisions you have to make?

You may feel all of these things, some of these, or none. All these emotions are quite normal as you make significant changes in your life. Our society inundates us with the idea that you're only "whole" if you are married.

Remeber the scene in the movie "Jerry Macguire" where Tom Cruise says: "You complete me". That is a very romantic concept but a completely false one! When you are in the midst of a divorce the last thing you need is the idea that you need another individual to make you feel complete. What you do need is to learn to love yourself as you are and to learn how to take care of yourself.

Divorce and Self Care

It is imperative to develop a sense of self-worth and self-esteem. My definition of self-esteem is:

The ability to accept yourself as you are. To acknowledge that you are not perfect, and it is ok to have faults. To know that you deserve the best out of life, to know that you are a valuable human being in the world."

STEPS FOR SELF-CARE

Here are some guidelines for you to use when working on building your self-esteem:

1) Accept yourself as you are

2) Recognize and accept you are not perfect, forgive yourself for having imperfections

3) Trust yourself and your instincts

4) Take risks!

5) Tell yourself you are a valuable and worthwhile human being

Life After Divorce is a wonderful book that discusses many aspects of divorce and its effects on others.

The effect of divorce can leave you in a devastating depression, perpetual path of rage and vindictiveness, or a constant feeling of hopelessness and failure. Divorce impacts everyone around you. Don't allow this to happen to you. Accept the past and current situation and work toward making the next part of your life the best it can be.

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