Signs of a Controlling Relationship
What does a controlling relationship look like? Do you get the feeling you are being controled by your mate but the signs are so subtle you're just not sure? Most partners do not act in an overtly controlling manner like we see in the movies. Remember the film "Sleeping with the enemy"? In the movie Julia Roberts was beaten senseless by her husband because the hand towels were not lined up perfectly.
That kind of abuse was so apparent for artistic reasons. But most of the time, spouses are controlled in a more decieptful and
manipulative approach that increases slowly over time. Below are a few examples of how your spouse may be controlling you.
1) Put-downs, criticism, or judging"You're not wearing that tonight are you?" "This house is a mess, my mother always kept our house perfectly clean!" "Are you sure you want to...(go there, do that, eat that?)etc"
These statements carry both critical and judgemental messages. The recipient of this harassment begins to feel badly about him/herself
or does things the way their partner wants in order to avoid confrontation. Making decision becomes a painstaking process as you
agonize over what your partner will think or how they will react. Slowly, methodically, self-esteem erodes. 2) ManipulationAnother form of control in a relationship is a mate who is manipulative. Manipulation may take the form of anger, crying, silence, withdrawing, or guilt. If your spouse tries to make you feel guilty about wanting to spend time with friends, that is controlling. If your partner shuts down and gives you the "silent treatment" for not wanting to spend your 10th sunday in a row with his mother, that shows controlling behavior. I think we all have seen some of this behavior in our relationships, and to a certain degree it is just the normal squeaks in the relationship wheel. Use your instinct and acknowlegdge your intuition. Is this just an annoying occassional behavior coming from your mate or is it constant and affect your self-esteem. It may be helpful to get an objective opinion by seeking counseling or bouncing your thoughts off an impartial friend. If you liked this article you may also want to read: Improve Your Marriage Keys of a Good Marriage Is Your Relationship in Trouble? Back to top of page: Signs of a controlling relationship Back to homepage
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