How to ask for a divorce
How does one ask for a divorce? Is there a right way to ask for a divorce? While there are many ways in which to do this, I do have a few suggestions that may help you
First off, some common-sense things NOT to do: #1 Be Respectful of Your Spouse
O.k., that was pretty simple and obvious. On to more seriouse suggestions.
#2 Do Not Play the "Blame-Game"What is The Blame-Game? That is when you sit your partner down to ask him for a divorce and proceed to accuse and attack him at every turn. Example:
"I want a divorce! You never listen to me, you never take care of the kids,
you are irresponsible with money, I don't love you anymore....."(get the drift?)
Be respectful and sincere. Mostly importantly use "WE" statements as much as possible. Replacing the word "I" for "we" keeps the conversation calm and directed. Your spouse won't feel accused or attacked if you add
yourself to the mix. Using the term "we" when asking for a divorce means you are accepting some responsibility for the breakdown
of the marriage. Here are some non-attacking phrases to use when asking for a divorce: "We don't get along anymore."
One client of mine, upon deciding to ask her husband for a divorce, used my advice. At her next session she stated:
"I didn't really know how to ask for a divorce and I was really nervous. I sat down with my husband to tell him I wanted a divorce. I decided to take your advice and used as many "we" statements as possible when discussing the problems in our marriage. I was really surprised at how well the conversation went. He was very calm and understanding and it never got into a heated arguement like it had in the past. I am so glad that is over." -Kim*
Kim* focused on the problems they together had in the relationship without blaming and attacking, and it became a peaceful decision for the two of them to divorce. Asking for a divorce was not as painful as she thought it would be. Give it a try and see if it is helpful for you. *names have been changed to protect anonymity
If you are looking for a counselor to help deal with divorce issues and live in the Detroit metro area
click here.
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