Long Term Effects of divorce on ChildrenMost parents worry about the long term effects divorce will have on their children. A person wanting to separate from their spouse may avoid or delay it due to what they feel will be negative consequences for the children. It is true that children will react with grief and sorrow when they are told their parents are separating. Just like the adults going through, they may react or suppress anger and rage, or become anxious about the parent being left and develop a caretaker role well before their time.
In the book Life After Divorce
, Ms. Wegscheider-Cruse states: "In unhealthy families, children are there to meet the needs of the parents, to entertain, serve or glorify. In healthy families, parents are there to meet the essential needs of their children, physically and emotionally." The point is, it is the job of the parent to take care of their children's needs, not the other way around. So keep a close eye on your behavior. Make sure you are not leaning on your child for support and comfort. Try to find support through family, friends or support groups.
In Dawn Bradley-Berry's book The Divorce Recovery Sourcebook she talks candidly about what the long-term effects could be. And they are not necessarily negative!Not all children suffer negative long-term effects and indeed may benefit from the parent's separating.Some children are actually relieved to escape a home where arguing, conflict and tension looms.(and can you blame them?). They also learn to value themselves. In the long-term, they realize they do not have to stay in a relationship where they are miserable. These children of divorce learn they do have options.
In "Life After Divorce" Ms. Cruse explains how children who come from divorced homes have a broader perspective about love and life, and find out there is more than one way to look at things. Your kids could learn two sets of wonderful values and develop new traditions and routines at each household that are beneficial to them. So, you can let go of the fear of long-term effects of divorce impacting so negatively on your child! if you keep your relationship with your ex amicable and promote the upside of two households, your child can adjust and grow in a healthy and positive way.
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