Divorce Effects on Children
Divorce effects on children is significant. As a therapist working with children for the past 14 years, I have seen the devastating effects divorce can have on them. Many times the
kids are caught in the middle of their parent's constant arguements or silent feuds. They feel hopeless and helpless, and
blame themselves for their parents problems. But not all kids come out with horrible battle scars. Some children benefit from their parents divorce in a positive way. So what is the deciding factor between your child becoming "really messed up" or sailing through it fairly well: You are!!!Parents agonize over and worry about the children suffering
short or long-term negative effects
while in the process of making so many life changing decisions for themselves. The effect of divorce on children will vary from divorce to divorce.
The second and equally important aspect of helping your child cope and deal with the effects of divorce in a healthy way is:
Stop fighting in front of your children!!Do I need to say this again? I think I will...
Stop fighting in front of your children!!Research has shown, kids who cope with divorce the best are children whose parents had a friendly and non-combative divorce. Now I know this can't always be the case. I am talking about a hypothetical, perfect world. If you two do argue a lot(and this could be why you are breaking up), it is best not to argue in front of your children. If you do argue remove yourselves and fight where your kids are not present. I really cannot stress this enough! I can't tell you how many children are devastated not by the divorce, but by the constant argueing that goes on.Another troubling issue is in high-conflict divorces, the potential for parent alienation syndrome to cause a child to reject or withdraw from one of their parents. I am sure you have thought a lot about how your divorce or potential divorce will effect your children in this way. Edward Teyber's book Helping Children Cope with Divorce is a really nice, comprehensive book on this subject and the effect divorce has on children. While a bit long, he really has done a lot of research and passes it on to you.
Melanie Cohn LMSW is a psychotherapist who specializes in marriage and divorce issues. If you are looking for a counselor in the metro Detroit area to find out more about her practice and location.
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